The Misfit

She just loved fashion designing. He had strayed into this field because he seemed a misfit everywhere else.

She was the class topper. He scraped through, bumbling about clumsily from semester to semester, helped by his friends and classmates.

Knots

The knot. 

It begins by being useful. It binds and holds things together. It can be removed easily and so there is no cause for worry either.

If you pull an end and the knot gets removed easily, fine, but pull it the wrong way... That's it. Especially when you are in a hurry to untie it, everything you do will only tighten the knot and seal its, and your, fate completely. 

The Seventh Sense

They stood still
And yet, they grew
Not hurried
Not hassled
No control
On what happened

The Canvas

It was just plain canvas

White and pristine

A brush in hand

I stood thinking

The Bridge

The cars sped over the bridge on the canal, sparing neither the bridge nor the canal a thought. That's not true, there was just one thought, to cross it before the stink overwhelmed them.

And yet, there were a few who walked or cycled on it. They had learned to ignore the stink.

The Reality of the Burden

On my head

I carried the weight

of guilt and regrets

In my heart

I carried the rock

of pain and hurt

The Extras

What is the plot?
Who are the actors?
What is the scene?
What is our character?

The Journey of Grit

It had grit. No, wait, it was grit. A tiny speck, one among a million, but only one in a million. 

It didn't know where it came from or where it will go. Nor did it care. It lived surrounded by family and friends and needed nothing else. When the breeze blew gently, it played with its friends, rising up, jumping high and then falling to the earth. It was thrilling, exciting and a break from routine.

The Mind Game

I had often wondered as a young girl, why the Vedic Indians who were far ahead in understanding the world, the cosmos, mathematics, and physics did nothing for human psychology. The tying up of mentally ill patients in temples, the neem treatment or just being resigned to fate when people in the family were afflicted with mental ailments hardly seems evolved and, in fact, it seems insensitive and crude.

Why All This Haste?

"When will it be 9 months!"
The family exclaimed.
Eager for the baby,
They counted the days.

Words on Words

The first one
Was a blessing
Much longed for
And very thrilling 

The second and third
Eagerly awaited
Slowly they tumbled
Giving joy unabated

The trickle gains force
Words come together
Into paras and sentences
With no stops or brakes

Every event described
Every emotion examined
Stretching every thought
Keep busy the little mind 

And then like an avalanche
There is no stopping the word blast
A trap that feeds on itself
Exploring future, present and past

From a pleasing rain
It becomes a deluge
But wonder of wonders
Everyone takes in them refuge!

Being pelted always
Words from without and within!
Fill the world with noise
Till one just stops hearing

Silence scares some
Even when alone 
So they plug their ears
And hear a constant drone

Music, yes pleasing
Elevating, ennobling
But try silence to dive deeper
And experience a power liberating

Find your own song
Hum as you walk along
Only for your ears, it is
Cutting you off from the throngs

A smile then always lingers
Turning the lips up
The mind that always complained
Learns to shut up.

 

The Shower of Blessings

Fragrance and tinkling of the anklets announced the entry of Kuyili as always into the sanctum sanctorum to offer her prayers that evening. The priests couldn't resist vying with each other to serve her, forgetting even the Goddess presiding there.

Other women watched with envy. The men with lust. 

Kuyili stood in front of the deity with her hands folded, aware very much that all eyes were on her. They burned her skin, they pricked stabbed and hurt. But she stood erect, a beatific smile adorning her lips. Her mind tried to find solace in the lit-up image of Devi, whose calm smile poured balm into Kuyili's wounds.

As she turned, people moved to let her go, shrinking as if her very shadow would taint them. The priests, who had a minute ago fallen over each other to offer her kumkum and arati, felt ashamed as if released from some enchantment and realising their fall from nobility.

She disciplined herself not to flinch. Her graceful gait drew many more glances as she went around the prahara and then she left the temple with a final prayer facing the temple tower.

She entered the waiting palanquin and was borne away to her palatial home. In the safety of her home, she was the undisputed queen. Her dasis surrounded her, removing the jewels, massaging her arms and legs and rubbing fragrant pastes to get her ready for her lover of that night.

The sun sank and lamps lit homes and streets. Soon even that light dimmed. She heard the horse enter the courtyard and soon heard the footsteps of her lover at her door.

She was ready for him, having dressed up again to welcome him and bestowed him with the smile that had bewitched him in the first place.

It was a union of bodies. When she tried to share with him her feelings, either her words fell short or his understanding. So she let her mind wander freely as her body gave him pleasure.

Before the sun rose, he rode away to be seen with his legally wedded wife.

Kuyili couldn't complain, could she? These travelers to her home had bestowed her with untold wealth. She owned two palaces and had gold, silver and diamonds showered on her. There was none equal to her in affluence in the city. What if people gossiped? They still were beneath her.

She tried to quell her craving heart with such delusions about her self-worth but always her thoughts wandered to how to turn lust to love, envy to worship. Often she visited the temple to seek Devi's guidance, wondering what drew people to Her. Kuyili didn't want to be a goddess, just to be accepted as a fellow human being would be good enough.

"Madam, there is someone to see you," one of her dasis announced one day.

"Am I expecting anyone?" she asked frowning.

"He has been coming often, madam, but today he will not be sent away. Says he has a gift for you."

Kuyili sighed. Another lover?

"He forbade me from revealing what, but you will like what you see," the maid said slyly.

Kuyili was intrigued. She asked for the man to be brought in. He came carrying what looked like a statue. He placed it on a table and said, "I have seen you in the temple often. My hands have carved it much against my wishes. I present this to you."

She was amused. "Against your wishes?"

"I carve only the statue of gods and goddesses. But since seeing you for the first time some days ago, all my idols seem to look like you. So I decided to give in to the compulsion once and for all. " He unveiled the statue. Kuyili was stunned. It was Devi in all her beauty but the face was carved like hers. 

She looked at him startled. He shrugged. "Some divinity shines through, I don't know how." He joined his hands in obeisance and left. 

She ran after him and, taking the gold chain from around her neck, thrust it into his hands. He recoiled and dropped it. "I didn't do this for money." And he was gone.

She couldn't believe it but she had to run back and see the idol again. She asked the dasi who had let the man in to take the chain as her gift. She sat in front of the idol and admired it, feeling fear and love at the same time.

She placed it in her bedroom, facing her mirror so that she could look at herself and the statue. When her lover came that night, he laughed, though jealousy laced the laugh. "Crazy man! Some nutcase, obviously. Don't let this go to your head."

Hurt to the quick, she asked him, "Don't you think someone could see something divine in me?"

"To carve a Devi in your image? I hope the priests don't hear of it."

Her breath quickened. "I  know you come only for my body. But do you think so less of me that you can't believe somebody else sees something more in me?"

 

He grabbed her and pulled her to him. "Who says I think less of you? I think of you all the time."

She pushed him away and pouted, "I am just a plaything for you."

"A very expensive one at that!" he said and laughed, showing her the new jewel he had bought for her. 

For once, she felt no excitement. He saw the disappointment in her eyes and his temper rose. "Don't expect me to idolise you. I am besotted, but I am not in my dotage."

Upset, she said, "I don't expect you to idolise me, but if I am nothing but the body, you will and can see only that."

"Philosophy! Oh god! I came in such a good mood today!"

"Sorry to spoil it for you! You have put me out too. You may leave tonight."

His hackles rose. "Are you asking me to leave this home that I helped you build?"

She got up flustered. "By tomorrow, you will find me gone."

"No!" he was apologetic immediately. I didn't mean quite mean that!" He tried to placate her and she allowed herself to be soothed. For both, it was best to let things be.

But in one day, she had been elevated and thrown down. Her discontentment only increased. What was she?

She pondered and pondered and often stood in the terrace looking down at the passersby. When she was noticed, she saw that no one saw her but only what she represented - a courtesan who sinned and who lured people to lead a life of sin.

As the heat of the days increased and rains failed, she found that the mood turned from one of contempt to anger. She had what she wanted while they struggled to get even the basic things. She frowned observing the hunger and fear in people's faces as the dry days turned to a draught. Food supply had reduced and the very poor went without even a meal some days.

When she sat down to eat her sumptuous meal, she found not a morsel went down her throat as images of young children begging on the streets, hitherto she hadn't seen, rising in front of her eyes. She called her dasi and told her to distribute the food among the poor.

 

In a few minutes, the food came back untouched. "No one wants food from this house."

Kuyili felt as if a knife had been driven into her heart. But she couldn't stand by watching the misery of the people around her. She had wanted their adulation. Now that they were in trouble, how could she be indifferent?

"Do our wells have enough water? Place water in pots with a glass and make sure it is refilled all the time. On another side, keep buttermilk and porridge. No one should go away without having their fill."

"But, madam, nobody wants it from this house," the dasi said boldly. 

"Nobody need know. Keep it on the opposite side."

"What when we run out of water?"

"We will cart it from other lands. Take what it takes. Go on, don't ask me silly questions. I just want everyone to be sated and their thirsts quenched."

The dasi ran. Initially they came in ones and twos. But when the throat was parched and the stomach caving in from hunger, of what good was moral rectitude? Every hour, there stood a long queue. 

Three years Gods tested the people, or her? She used up all her wealth, her jewels, precious stones, the adjacent house that belonged to her, keeping for herself only the house she lived in. "You will have nothing left for yourself."

She paused for a second and then asked, "What was mine in the first place? It was given to me and now I am passing that on to others. Maybe this was why I earned so much. Don't stop..."

She sold the furniture of the house she lived in and yet the rains wouldn't come. She decided to move to a smaller house by selling this. That morning when the buyer was to come, it poured, and it poured and poured.

She sold it still, for it will take some time for farmers to grow paddy and for it to reach the people.

Now when she walked on the streets, people hailed, "Devi, Devi."

Though her heart warmed, she realised it was not she who needed to be praised. She ran to the temple and tears poured down as her voice broke chanting, "Devi, Devi." The Goddess had heard her prayers.

The sculptor met her at the temple with hands joined in respect. She clasped it gratefully.

When she died, people installed the idol he had carved on the road leading to the temple. They first prayed to her, seeking her intervention with Devi to have their prayers heard.

 

Based on the story of Kunjaratthammal and recommended by my friend Natarajan Ganesan that I develop this into a story. My humble gratitude.

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Forward

In This Short Time

How we clamour
For space, for name

In the short span

Of life, this game!

Layers to Pare

Alone,
Beyond compare;

Single,

No one to care.

Contented?

Then why this fair?

Conflicted,

Angry, envious, scared.

Why

Any reason, you aware?

Amusing,

A laugh you don't share?

Losing,

What was there;

Seeking,

What was theirs.

Centering

A simple fare;

Difficult,

Only a few dare.

Dream,

It's like a nightmare;

Variety,

Meant only to ensnare.

Pain,

No one you spare;

Whittling,

Many layers to pare.

Awakening

Walk into the glare.

Liberation,

Shred it all bare.

 

One

A ripple in the external world
Echoes, sending a wave
Words clamour to be heard
Making us flap insane.

When It is Time

First, she closed the city doors.
"Neither you come nor I go."
She said that to her friends and relatives
But death couldn't care less.

The Puppets on a String

He looked at the palace, towering over the houses surrounding it. He could just about make out the silhouette of the king looking down on his subjects before turning back and returning to his quarters.

He could hear horses approaching and saw a young boy, about his age, riding one with a sense of entitlement, proud to be the prince, assured of his future. 

He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up at his father, a man who had to work hard to make a living and keep body and soul together. "Did you see the king?" the father asked proudly. "And that was the prince who just crossed us. Our benefactors. It is because they rule well that we are able to live peacefully. Always be grateful to them," he continued. 

"We can never be them, can we, baba?" the young boy asked. He was 14 but he could see the life of luxury the prince lived while he worked hard with his father, helping him weave and sell garments to the richer families in the kingdom. Even when he was just a boy of 8 or 9 years, he had learnt to count the change. A little older, he helped with the dyeing. And now, he accompanied his father to the market to sell some garments in the market. They would stay in the local inn for the night and then go to the houses of the rich men, displaying their wares, luring the women with colourful saris they could drape on themselves.

They did earn well and his father told him they were doing well. but for the boy, it was nothing. He saw it all as a struggle. Every time he watched his father's fawning expression and the supercilious response of the rich buyers and it drove a knife through him. He couldn't forget the man atop the palace terrace, standing above everyone while they could only look up to him. And the boy atop the horse. He will one day stand there, not because he deserved it, but because his father had stood there.

Just like he would be standing on the ground with his son, showing him a mere shadow and calling it the king, the ruler.

The boy jerked his head away in anger. No. This has to change, he decided. "Baba, I want to learn to fight," he said.

His father looked at him in surprise and laughed his deep rumbling laugh. He tousled his son's hair, an action that the boy used to love as a child but now, as determination coursed through his blood, he resented. Moving away, he looked at his father and said, "I am serious."

"Our hands are meant to caress the yarn not grip the metal."

The boy was silent, knowing his father would never break the rules set by society. He silently followed his father to the market. Selling to the ordinary people was not so bad and some of his earlier irritation abated.

That night he even managed to enjoy the stay in the inn, the food, sneaking out after he was sent to bed to listen to adult talk. But the next morning, as they visited the house of the men who mattered, the ember lying dormant slowly seemed to come to life, burning higher and higher, consuming him.

And then, it was the turn to visit the king himself. A special bundle kept aside came out. He knew all about it. In fact, he had heard the discussion between his parents on the colours and weave to be spun for the king and his household. When he hefted it over his shoulder, it was as if he was lifting an opponent to throw him down and trample on him. His father, unaware of the volcano in his son's heart, walked gaily and greeted people on the way. With every step, the father seemed to feel as if he were going for his own crowning. With every step, the boy dreaded the humiliating obsequiousness that was going to be on display.

"Shall I wait outside, father?" he asked.

"No, no, you must come with me. Now you have to learn to take over responsibilities. In a few years, I may not be able to come, but you must continue to supply to the royalty. That is our bread and butter."

The boy looked at his father and then looked away. His father misunderstood that look for pride. It was anything but.

They bowed before the king and waited. The king beckoned and the two quickly put the bundle of garments down. The king observed the boy and asked, "Your son?"

"Yes, maharaja," the father answered, touching his son with a measure of pride.

"What's your name, son?" the king asked.

The boy, for the first time, felt his name to be weak as he replied, "Dinanath."

"Dinanath, after your father, Sarnath?" the king asked the father. Father nodded. "Is he showing promise?"

"Yes, my lord. He has an eye and his fingers are deft."

"Take good care of them Dinanath, for they add splendour to our person."

Dinanath raised his chin just a little, defiantly, but it again was misunderstood. "Good to see you proud of your skill. We must do what we are destined to and do it well," the king said and ordered for the women to come forward and examine the wares.

As the women selected and Sarnath displayed, Dinanath's eyes darted here and there. The prince walked in presently with an older man, and the king's attention turned to him as the two put in display swordplay. The women too turned to watch them and exclaimed and encouraged the young boy.

Once the display was over, the king called the boy over and patted him. He gave the older man his pearl chain.

Dinanath felt a strange longing, not for the jewel, not for the approbation, but to hold the sword and swing it around the way the prince had done. The clinking of the metals rang in his ears like music. After the purchases had been made and Sarnath richer by many gold coins, the two stepped out, thinking different thoughts.

"Baba, why can't I also wield the sword?"

"Because you have to handle the loom."

"Suppose I don't want to?" the boy asked in a small voice.

The father was silent for a moment and then he said. "It is not about what you want."

That didn't satisfy the boy. "It is about my life."

"Life," the father said and paused. "Our life is not our own, it is part of a larger picture. And just as each weave in itself is meaningless but together with the rest, it helps create something wholly different and new, so also our life in itself in nothing. Only by carrying out what is required of us makes our life meaningful."

The boy was not convinced. "Unless we try different things how can we know whether what we are doing is meaningful or not? Gold zari stands out on its own and also enhances the weave."

The father looked surprised at his son wisdom. "Yes, and not all can be that gold zari and even a single strand of gold zari needs to be ensconced in other threads to become something," he said.

The boy shook his head, not convinced, the gold glittering in his soul, urging him to strike a different path. Many times he tried to convince his father to learn the art of war, but every time, his father withheld permission. The boy hung around with men who trained for the war in his village. He spoke to them at length about warfare and using the weapons. But he realised that they too wanted to be one yarn making up the fabric, contributing only in their own small ways.

He made it sound like idle curiosity and found a willing teacher. He slowly mastered some of the weapons, but his quest was for something more - weapons were but a tool. The loom didn't make a weaver a master, his craft and his talent did. Knowing how to use a sword or a bow may protect him, but he was not looking for self-defense.  

Sarnath initially thought all this eagerness for learning to fight was just age. Though he was aware that Dinanath was learning things he didn't need, he put it down to young blood. So long as he was available to take care of their work, Sarnath was not about to curb his son's curiosity. Once it was sated, he will settle down. He had also fixed Dinu's marriage to a very eligible girl in their community. 

One day, he just vanished. Initially, though stunned, Sarnath still hoped to see his son in a few days. But as days ran into months, he was forced to seek help to look for his son. All in vain. There was no trace of Dinanath.

"You have still not found your son, Sarnath?" the king asked him when he went next. The king summoned his astrologer, now that his police had failed to track the missing boy. The astrologer took the details he needed and sat down to do the calculations. Sarnath's eyes kept darting to the man even as he answered the women about the price of his wares. The astrologer finally seemed to be done with his calculations and hastened to the king. He whispered in the king's ear respectfully and the king listened attentively. Then he nodded and looked at Sarnath. Sarnath rushed to the king.

"He is well and will return in glory. Be patient," the king said and bestowed the bereft man with extra gold coins.

Sarnath was mystified but could not ask the king more. He sought the astrologer out who said, "We cannot always predict the future accurately. But what I see is all good for your son."

The astrologer could not be persuaded to say a word more; not even the promise of rewards could make him budge an inch.

Every time the weaver returned to the city, he saw more soldiers on the streets and wondered why. Then he was summoned one day summarily by the king. He rushed, hoping to hear some news of his son. On the throne, instead of the king, he saw a handsome young man. Was this the prince? Where was the king?

He was appalled to see the king and the prince held prisoners by the guards in a corner of the room. There had been a coup and his son had headed it. It was he, "Dinu?" Sarnath asked, his voice trembling.

"Marthand, baba," the new king said. "I am now known by the name Marthand."

Sarnath couldn't believe his eyes or ears. "No, no, Di... Marthand. This, the king..."

"I am the king now, baba." He turned to the guards who started leading the king, who maintained his dignity despite the humility, away. Sarnath ran to him. "My lord, my son is being foolish! Please forgive him. He does not know what he is doing!"

The king laughed. "Sarnath, what will be, will be..."

"Can't you stop begging?" Marthand asked angrily. "I am changing our destiny and you want to cling to your past."

The king paused with twinkling eyes and said, "Son, you are simply fulfilling your destiny, I mine."

Marthand asked angrily, "What do you mean?"

"It was destined that I should be overthrown by a young man. But son, don't think this is the end of it. Time will yet reveal other..."

"Execute them!" Marthand ordered with barely concealed anger.

"No!" Sarnath intervened. "Imprison them, by all means, but don't kill them! They have done you no harm!"

The son protested but the father asserted and Marthand conceded. He had nothing personal against the king. He hated the prince, but to please his father, he gave orders for the prince to be exiled while secretly instructing his trusted guard to kill the young man.

Sarnath continued to weave, though his son ruled now, for weaving to him was his very breath, not just his duty. But he watched over his son, proud at his wisdom in ruling well but steadying him too when he was swayed by ambition. He often visited the king, for he felt grateful to the man for his benevolent rule.

Marthand found that ruling was not a matter of luxury. His innate sense of justice required him to weigh every situation many times before he decided on a course of action. Though his hands had stopped weaving yarns, his mind had to still interweave and imagine before he could arrive at a decision. Some days, he had no time to eat. Some nights, he couldn't go to bed for duty beckoned. Ruling, he realised, was no entitlement if you meant to make a difference.

He soon married and had sons and daughters who filled his life with joy. When he stood with his children on the terrace of the palace where he had observed the king the first time, he felt he had achieved what he had set out to do. He had made his destiny, regardless of what the old king had said. Who could have thought that an humble weaver's son would one day rule this kingdom?

When he looked down, he sought other boys looking up with awe and sent them gifts and messages of love.

And he received love. He was popular. Nothing could shake him.

Nothing did, till he found a sword against his neck, his family gathered together, surrounded by ruffians. His eyes swiveled back to the man holding the sword and widened in shock.

"Recognise me, Dinanath? Sorry, Marthand? Yes, I am the very prince you exiled, Prince Jayveer."

Before he could respond, the sword severed his jugular vein and he lay bleeding to death. "I will not make the same mistake you made, boy!" said Jayveer as he turned towards the family and had them all executed.

The old king emerged from the prison, freed by his son. They embraced each other joyously.

But when he saw at what cost, his eyes became wet. "I am sorry, Sarnath, I could not return you the favour." He bowed his head. "My son merely fulfilled his destiny as did yours..."

 

 

The Boiling Pot

Who lit the fire?
Why does the water
Boil forever?

Bubbling, effervescent
Never pausing
Or quiet.

A drop falls in
And it too
Ends up dancing.

Merge, Emerge

It was a tsunami
the talk of the town
of the country
of the globe around!

The waves that rise
rose and rose
to fall and drag
all that that was close.

When I saw the sea
there was no trace
of the dreaded
destructive giant wave.

I soaked my feet
in the seawater
and looked at the particles
did they matter?

Some of these were 
part of that wave,
but back in the water,
they looked the same!

Having merged
they were indistinct.
Did they even exist?
It made me think.

Vapourised, condensed
where were they?
Would they arise
like a tsunami again?

Would we know
if they are the same?
Or will they be
new to the game?

We too rise and 

fall back in time.

Even Hitler is gone

without a sign.

Lost in a sea

leaving no trace

merging in a mass

emerging never again.

In this short time

that we are given

what should we live for?

is it name and fame?

A little of this

a little of that

but find in our lives

some dignity and grace.

Hampi - A Confluence of the Gross and the Subtle

It began like any other trip. "Should we go to place A or B?" My husband asked me and after weighing pros and cons, we decided it would be Hampi - never mind if it was A or B. As always, I packed the most essential - a book. Colleen Mccullough's 'Antony and Cleopatra' - a well-written, big fat book that I was half-way through already. And along with that came a bonus - 'Lectures on the Ramayana' by Sri VS Srinivasa Sastri. 

The Queen Bee and Other Limericks

There once was a lady

Who thought she was the Queen Bee

She gathered friends around her

Collecting their secrets like nectar

So that they surrendered to her will only

The Journey of the Bangle

It arrived just morning, after being moulded, the gems set and it burnished to be shiny and attractive.

It was a bracelet. Not precious. Just an ordinary 'junk jewellery', one among the millions that fill the shops and find their ways into homes, sometimes being cherished, sometimes forgotten. What would the fate of this one be? Did even its maker wonder? He just pocketed his wages and headed out to the nearby shop selling drinks.

The Way to the Stomach

Mishri placed all the dishes on the table and called her family to lunch. She went to her 80-year-old mother-in-law's Shantha's room and told her that lunch was served. Shantha was reclining, half asleep, listening to music. 

Since turning 80, Shantha's reflexes had slowed down but not her mind. She was still sharp and still made Mishri, who was herself on the verge of becoming a mother-in-law to a beautiful bride, nervous. Having lived in the village all her life, Shantha had only recently moved in with her son and the occasional anxiety of meeting her mother-in-law became a little more permanent now.

When a Thousand Words Say It Better

Mohita opened her balcony door and, as always, her eyes darted to the house across the lane. The curtains were drawn but Mohita could picturise the wall with the framed picture. 

She had just recently moved in from another locality. There, her house had overlooked the road, a boring, lethargic road with little traffic or view. She had loved this house because of its vibrant atmosphere. There were houses around and children played in the common areas. After a week of moving in, one evening she stood in the balcony looking down at the children when the light came on in the house across the narrow lane that separated them. A lady placed some bags on the sofa and sat down beside it, evidently tired.

The Journey

 "Mamma, can we go by train?" Rupa's elder one, Advika, asked. "We never travel by train," the 13-year-old pleaded.

"You will get bored," Rupa responded mechanically as she checked the flight cost and availability to Chennai from Delhi in December.

Rupa's younger son Vivek looked up from his book and said, "Mamma will get bored, she means."

Snipping a Relationship

It was the first thing she reached out for in the morning. No, that's not accurate. She did reach out for the health faucet, the toothbrush, the tap etc. first thing before she entered the kitchen. But on entering the kitchen... ok, that was the third thing. But it was part of the kitchen routine and the first set of things. The milk cooker, the milk packet and the scissors. It was such a silly thing to think about, but those scissors were always associated with the milk packet. Though she cut coriander with that and other grocery items that came packed in plastic covers, still, its primary and daily duty was to cut the milk packet.

An Unhurried Life

I sow a seed
Trim a branch
Prune some leaves
I care dearly for my plants

The Lady of Light - Part XXI

The Story So Far: From not knowing what my power to knowing it was still not enough to win this battle against the Daits! What made them so strong and powerful? Why were we not able to get a decisive win?

Read from the beginning, click here
Read the previous chapter, click here

It was a draw and we couldn't continue like this. The war council sat glumly pondering on how to break out of this impasse. The king burst out with frustration, "If only we knew what rejuvenates them!"

I looked at him puzzled, only vaguely remembering that he had mentioned this before but not the details.

The Lady of Light - Part XX

The Story So Far: From not knowing what my power was to knowing the limitations of my powers, I had come on a long journey. And yet, there was no end in sight for I now embark on yet another new one, and hopefully, a conclusive one. How can I do that?

Read from the beginning, click here
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Mother Earth, Shakti, made me sit in front of the Sacred Shell. She removed the platinum ring and placed it on my head with a chant under her breath. I felt transformed, energised. Something of the red aura of the Dait king the ring had absorbed in Mars started flowing through me, for I felt a sort of strength that I had never experienced before. Shakti continued without letting on whether she had noticed the change. 

The Lady of Light - Part XIV

The Story So Far: The battle is not always fought on the battlefield. The mind matters. Should you be strong and unbending? Or just let go? Finding my unique power had not been enough to ward off the Daits when they attacked earth. What can?

Read from the beginning, click here
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I had hoped for peace. I had hoped that when he saw his son was safe even when he was vulnerable and unattended, the Dait King would have had a change of heart and would have withdrawn. I had hoped we could be friends, for Prince Ajat and the Dait Prince were deeply interwoven in my mind and I could not love one and hate the other.

The Lady of Light - Part XVIII

The Story So Far: The battle is not always fought in the battlefield. The mind matters. Should you be strong and unbending? Or just let go? 

Read from the beginning, click here
Read the previous chapter, click here

I was given a hero's welcome by the soldiers resting in the camp set up in the palace grounds. The Rajguru rushed forward and embraced me with warmth and love. "Remarkable!" he mumbled. "You have really given us a shot in the arm. Your parents are anxious. Meet them first and then we will visit the sanctum sanctorum. There is something you can do which will end this menace forever," he whispered. 

The Lady of Light - Part XVII

The Story So Far: I turned 18 and waited to know what my power would be. But all I did was swoon when the enemy was at the gate. I was ashamed but I was shocked to know that I had saved the world and I didn't know a thing about it! Now I do. But I still don't know how to call that power when I need it. And now we are facing our formidable foes, the Daits.

Read from the beginning, click here
Read the previous chapter, click here

Going to Mars on my own without informing anyone on an impulse seemed a little foolish. Even if no one could help me once I was there, if something were to happen to me, no one would miss me in this tense war situation.

Also, I needed to bring back the prince and the Sacred Shell. Whatever my capabilities, I still only had to hands. Carrying the prince and the Sacred Shell could prove challenging. I would get only one shot at it and I didn't even know how big or small the Shell was.

The Lady of Light - Part XVI

The Story So Far: I turned 18 and waited to know what my power would be. But all I did was swoon when the enemy was at the gate. I was ashamed but I was shocked to know that I had saved the world and I didn't know a thing about it! Now I do. But I still don't know how to call that power when I need it. And now we are facing our formidable foes, the Daits.

Read from the beginning, click here
Read the previous chapter, click here

I stood facing the King of Daits. Whatever his feelings on seeing the person responsible for his son's suffering, he showed remarkable presence of mind and calmness as he faced me.

It had been a difficult battle where emotions ran high. The Daits were in a mood for vengeance and the Prabhas were hopeful because of my presence. The two matched power for power, weapon for weapon. The result was a world soaked in blood.

The Lady of Light - Part XV

The Story So Far: I turned 18 and waited to know what my power would be. But all I did was swoon when the enemy was at the gate. I was ashamed but I was shocked to know that I had saved the world and I didn't know a thing about it! Now I do. But I still don't know how to call that power when I need it.

Read from the beginning, click here
Read the previous chapter, click here

I had never heard of anyone wielding the power of lightning. I was excited and wanted to fly but like a bird whose wings had been cut, I realised I couldn't. I didn't know how to call my power. Like my Tiara, the power seemed to come and go as it pleased and hadn't shown any evidence of its presence during the recent trying times.

The Lady of Light - Part XIV

To read from the beginning, click here
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I needed to think and my rage didn't let me. So I walked rapidly to burn my anger off. I found Amrit keeping pace with me. "Don't do anything foolish," he said. I didn't even deign him with a look. "You know we cannot follow you to Mars. You were lucky twice and got away, but there can be no surety that you will be lucky a third time."

"It wasn't just luck," I erupted.

The Lady of Light - Part XIII

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I was not about to let the Martian prince walk all over me. I raised my chin and looked at him defiantly. His eyes glinted as he smiled smugly. A spark erupted. I knew how to subdue him. I looked back at the star in the gilded cage and its uncharacteristically flat appearance surprised me. I looked back at the prince and I realised what the glint in his eye was. It was not his eye at all that was glinting.

My hands were chained and my body bound. I was surprised he thought that could stop a Prabhas. Maybe it was a commentary on my performance so far, I had been helpless and foolish.

The Lady of Light - Part XII

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I rose up but paused to look at my body. My eyes were open and looked back at me with sentience. Our eyes met and the lips turned up into a smile. I felt a connection with myself and it did something to me. Something akin to falling in love, of being loved and needed.

The Lady of Light - Part XI

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When I opened my eyes, I was on my bed and surrounded by my anxious parents. It was morning but the curtains were drawn and the room was shaded except for sunlight peeping through the chinks.

I lay back quietly, unwilling to talk. My mother fluttered around me, speaking fast and informing me that the Rajguru had managed to overpower the prince and some of the Daits who had been lending their power to him. The prince was being confined. On losing the Dait power, he seemed to have just shriveled and collapsed.

The Lady of Light - Part X

To read from the beginning, click here.

To read the previous chapter, click here.

Do I consciously reach a destination or am I taken there? I was in a windy place, but I was not on any planet, let alone Saturn. My star was with me, subtly rubbing against my fingers, spreading warmth in this cold place. What held me in place, I don't know, because I seemed to be in the midst of some spatial storm. I had nothing around me except the winds and then I realised that I was being held by the winds, as if my father was carrying me. "Be careful, be watchful. Conspiracy in high places," the wind seemed to whisper.

The Lady of Light - Part IX

To read from the beginning, click here.

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My father came with me to visit Manas in the hospital the next morning. Prince Ajat was there when we got there, leaning over Manas. Hearing us enter the room, he straightened up smartly and looked at us with a sad smile. "Pawan sir," he said with reverence to my father. My father nodded and pointed to Manas.

"Still unconscious. I tried reaching out to his memory, whatever is left of it. But it is beyond me..." He looked at me and smiled. "I wish he had chosen me to reveal it... I have always felt special respect for him."

The Lady of Light - Part VIII

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I was assigned a team now. While my security was to increase, my training was to redouble and some led by Rajguru's son Amrit were to research history to find out more about the earlier Shakti, her powers and how to reach her.

I was escorted out by an elite group of warriors wielding all kinds of power. Prince Ajatshatru walked with me, still full of questions and gratitude. I was flattered and hard put to respond to him without blushing. "I was 16 when your uncle vanished," he said regretfully. My mind started calculating our age difference immediately. I had been 9 years at the time. I wondered if the prince was married or betrothed and felt some of my enthusiasm deflating.

"Why was your uncle unable to escape but you did?" he asked me as we reached the gates.

I wanted to tell him about my star, my guide, my friend, my weapon. Something made me feel it was a secret that I could not share with so many people within earshot. I hesitated as I looked at him. He raised his hands in surrender and said, "I understand. You will have your ways..." I smiled at him and thanked him for his understanding. "Mmm... Would it be too much if I asked you over for dinner tonight, just as a mark of gratitude?" he asked in a voice that set my heart singing.

But Amrit, who was around, said, "My father wants her to come home for dinner tonight." I felt disappointed and I saw the prince looking disappointed too. "Well then, tomorrow night," he said and I nodded, feeling excited. He smiled as if my accepting the invitation was all that mattered.

I wanted some time to myself but till bedtime, I was with my mother first and later the Rajguru. Both revisited my kidnapping and escape in detail, but had little success in finding anything of value. "The Daits are getting very bold but even after this incident, we don't want to launch a direct attack. Now that I know the Sacred Shell is not with us, I understand the reason for our weakness. We were not only entrusted with it, but we also have our powers linked to it. The fact that we can still resist them in wars is a blessing we cannot take for granted. We have to now speed up to retrieve the Sacred Shell as well as free Mars of the Daits."

I felt the weight of his words on my shoulders and looked down, feeling helpless again. I had been there on Mars but my thoughts had been only of escaping. As if the Rajguru sensed my mood, he laid a kind hand on my shoulder. "You did what you could." Then he sat back and I saw sorrow and pain in his eyes. "I feel very sad about Manas and cannot believe that he turned out to be bad. The king says that the Sacred Shell vanished at around the time Tushar did. Ajat was there with Tushar and Manas and they seemed to have gone to the sanctum sanctorum where the Sacred Shell was kept. Without my permission. So the king was afraid that the blame would fall on his son and kept the matter hidden all these years."

I looked at him in wonder. "Is that really possible?"

Rajguru shook his head. "It wouldn't have been possible, but the king played a deep game. If the Sacred Shell had been stolen, then I would have been alerted. But it was handed over. Ajat's presence may have something to do with making the handing over seem natural since he is the king-in-waiting. Any theft would have caused a reaction. But handing over..." He became silent and thoughtful. "I must think this over. You must also be tired. Take some rest," he said gently and saw me off at the gate. 

My mother was to share the room with me that night and she was very keen to stay with me. But mercifully, one of her childhood friends landed at the safe house I was staying in and insisted on taking my mother away to her house to catch up on old times. I waved a hearty bye to her, relieved of getting some time to think of the developments peacefully.

Almost as if on cue, my father tele-called. He wanted to know all about Manas's role in my uncle's being captured by the enemies. I didn't have much to tell him except those few disjointed words and he remained thoughtfully silent. "I always suspected there was some foul play," he said softly. His voice shook. "Why didn't you get Manas arrested, then?" I asked, puzzled.

"Because Manas always swore his innocence and maybe weaved some magic so that I was always a little confused about the events back then."

"Where were you at the time? I thought you were with him?"

"No, and even Manas wasn't supposed to be with Tushar at that time... Manas and I were together and then Manas flew like the wind. I followed him, but by the time I reached, Manas had already got to Tushar and..." My father's voice trailed. "Let me think back on that day some more," he said and let me go.

My mind was in a whirl as I lay back thinking of all that I had heard that day. Of course, Prince Ajat's face also kept flashing, sometimes distracting me completely. I wondered why I had felt so hesitant to speak out about my star though a part of me wanted to boast too! I looked around to see where it was and was amazed at how it seemed to act on its own, appearing and disappearing at will.

I heard my name being called and this time, I was more alert. But I also sensed that this was different. In a moment, I realised that this was Manas's voice. I felt anger surge through me and Manas's voice wavered. But he made an effort against my will and whispered, "I am weak, my powers have been taken away. I have just a few minutes before I lose it all. Please give me your time and attention, there is something you have to know."

I was no proof against such a request so I inhaled to keep a hold on my emotions. "I am innocent," he started and hastily added, "I was not supposed to be with Tushar that day. Your father and I were in the woods nearby when I felt something tugging my mind. I rushed to find Tushar and Ajat in the sanctum sanctorum. I tried to stop..." His voice became feeble. "Some power overpowered me. I went blank... When I regained consciousness, I was alone there." Now his voice was unable to reach me but he sent me a dark image of uncle Tushar lying on the floor staring at Manas, who was standing over him. And then Tushar's body started vanishing. Just then my father entered and tried to hold Tushar back. But Tushar waved a bye and left. My father turned on Manas and the image vanished.

I felt tears running down my cheeks. I felt I may have wronged an innocent man. After hearing the doubt in my father's hand and hearing Manas' version, I felt he at least deserved a hearing.

I got up and rushed out to help Manas in whatever way I could. But there were protective charms that held me back. I couldn't even tele-call my parents or the Rajguru. Not knowing what to do, I let my aura rise and went searching for the golden light that had reacted to me. There it was, shining and warm in the dark night. I rushed and joined it, compelling it to acknowledge me and found myself back in my room with Amrit standing in front of me. "What happened, Shakti?" he asked.

I was baffled but quickly blurted out that we had to save Manas. He didn't even ask why. He just vanished. A few minutes later, the Rajguru was in my room with tears in his eyes. "Thank you, Manas is like a son. I could never forgive him if he had been a traitor, and never forgiven myself if we had destroyed him unfairly. I was unhappy with the precipitate reaction to your report, but I think I was more shocked about the Sacred Shell than him." He sat down with his hand on his brow. I felt guilty of having over-reacted too.

"Is Manas... How is Manas? Will he regain his powers?"

Rajguru shrugged. "The science of removing someone's powers is still inexact and so we can only hope that we would have botched it up. We may have temporarily bound it, but I am hoping we wouldn't have destroyed it fully. His ability to remember that day and why he never spoke about it may give us some direction. Let's pray for the best."

(Continued here)

   

The Lady of Light - Part VII

To read the previous chapter, click here. To begin at the beginning, click here

I was crying in my mother's arms when we were summoned by the king. My parents had arrived post-haste on hearing of my kidnapping and safe return. While my mother consoled me my father was busy capturing Manas, which wasn't easy despite many power wielders including the Rajguru putting their power behind him. He seemed to be weaving a  web around their minds, weakening their skills. He was also in my mind, constantly pleading with me to believe in his innocence. "I didn't harm your uncle. I wasn't aware he was still alive. We thought he was dead," he said.

The Lady of Light - Part VI

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I fought hard to not lose my consciousness. I felt the spirit of my grandmother aiding me by lending some light. But it was feeble and light. I felt drained from the effort and realised with a shock that I didn't know what my power was since light wasn't responding to my need.

I felt something scrape my hand. I stared at the star that seemed to be twinkling in my hand. I didn't remember picking it up. I couldn't even remember where I had kept it and yet here it was. I looked around me and realised that I was in a teleportal and the voice that had beckoned me had vanished. But I felt that I was heading towards whoever had called me. I felt fear for the first time in the truest sense. I was alone and this reeked of a kidnap. When I could protect an entire army, how was I so weak and vulnerable when it came to my own safety?

The Lady of Light - Part V

For reading from the beginning, click here. For reading the previous chapter, click here.

My mother was so excited and proud of me. She made it sound as if she had always expected great things from me. But when Rajguru asked her about the war and my role, she couldn't say in what way I had contributed. There seems to have been some blanket amnesia about anything that I might have done. Or, I thought, I had played no role and people were pinning false hopes on me. I played along, or rather, I was made to play along.

The Lady of Light - Part IV

(This is part IV of a series. To read from the beginning, click here. To read the previous episode, click here.)

Was there thunder and lightning? Did the earth burst forth? Did realisation dawn on me? Was I suddenly elevated to some noble status?

Nyet. Nada.

I was trudging up a difficult hill behind the two men as they discussed me as if I was not there and how to present me to our King who lived atop the hill. Soon we were at the gates and the soldiers bowed deeply before letting us in. Not to me, who was lucky enough to gain entry because of these exalted me.

The Lady of Light - Part III

Continued from Part II

The conversation during dinner was stilted and stiff. I was relieved to be asked to quickly pack a bag, a backpack, with barest essentials. I thought my mother will come with me to help me but she remained behind. When I went down again, she was sitting on the large couch, alone. I went up to her and stood uncertainly. "Ma," I said softly.

She looked up and a flame burned in her two eyes. Then she closed her eyes for a second and pulled me onto her lap in an embrace me. "I am sorry, Deepika," she whispered. "I just need time to get used to it... Oh, my Tara... I am terribly sorry. These things are not in our hands. We just play the role..." She stopped. This is precisely what Manas had also told her. She sighed. "Do well... Your grandmother taught me much. I know you always felt her life was futile... I can't say I understand it either. But she was very dignified and graceful about it... Never forget," my mother whispered. "They are waiting for you outside. I love you," she said and cried as she hugged me once more before letting me go.

The Lady of Light - Part II

Continued from last week. If you have not read Part I, Click here

When I came to, I felt so embarrassed! There had been a battle. Even the half-drunk fighters had mustered enough of their powers to keep the enemies at bay, but all I had done was swoon, not to get up till everything was over. And when I did, I felt as if I had fought a war! I felt so weak and helpless.

I was still in the dining room, waiting for the others to return. My hand trembled as I tried to sip a glass of water. The weary fighters returned one by one. Some were injured. Luckily no one was dead. I quietly slipped away before anyone noticed me and went back to bed. The exhaustion and shame made me take cover. Hopefully, I could pretend I did not know about the fight. I am sure my parents will not give me away. As I wallowed in self-pity, I thought of my maternal grandmother and started understanding a little about why she would be so quiet when tales of fights were exchanged. She would go off to the kitchen and cook up large meals on such occasions.

The Lady of Light - Part I

I stepped out into the garden, looking up at the stars, the hazy clouds drifting like veil, and the crescent moon engraved against the black sky. The night wove its magic around me as I drifted towards the fragrant magnolia tree in the centre of the garden. My heart was brimming with a mix of emotions - joy, anticipation, apprehension, excitement - I had just turned 18. The age when I would know if I was worth anything. It could be revealed to me today, or any day in the next six months. If nothing happened, I was doomed to a life of ordinariness, serving the more privileged.

The Song of Silence

On 22d March, when the curfew was announced for the first time during this Corona virus crisis, I woke up and what hit me was the silence. Not even birds chirped. No dogs barking or cats mewling. Of course, there was no vehicular noise, which was to be expected.

Fight for the Right to Live

"What shall we do?" they despaired. "Can God really accept this? So much suffering?"

"God helps those who help themselves," one rebel said and a few others nodded in agreement.

An elder was offended. "Do you think we have not done enough?"

"The world wouldn't have come to this state if you had done what you should have!" the rebel protested vehemently.