I had often wondered as a young girl, why the Vedic Indians who were far ahead in understanding the world, the cosmos, mathematics, and physics did nothing for human psychology. The tying up of mentally ill patients in temples, the neem treatment or just being resigned to fate when people in the family were afflicted with mental ailments hardly seems evolved and, in fact, it seems insensitive and crude.
This was very short-sighted of me, of course, because I had myself experienced the benefits of Indian scriptures even when I was as young as 13/14 years old. When I moved cities, I found it difficult to adjust the first year. I was very low and the feeling of loneliness seemed to pervade my being. I stood in front of the mirror blinking and waiting for time to fly, me to be an adult and out of this situation. I thought of death knocking on the door and me opening the door with a smile.
I was not mooning or moping. My parents didn't know I had these thoughts for such thoughts were strange even for me and so didn't find expression in any way. I cried going to school because I hated it. The moment my mother came to know, she was very supportive and encouraging. and I demanded a few things like she waves to me from the balcony as I left to catch the school bus. I flunked subjects. Beyond that, I must have seemed my normal self to her. Yes, outwardly I was "normal" because I couldn't understand my own mind.
But often, as I stood in front of the mirror, I would contemplate the handful of Bhagavad Gita slokas I had learned in school. What did the verses:
"Nainam chindanthi shastrani, nainam dahati paavakaha,
na chaninam kledayantyap, nainam shoshayati maarutaha"
mean? I knew the literal meaning - the soul is neither pierced by weapons, nor burnt by fire, it cannot become wet with water, nor can the breeze affect it. But what was this untouched thing and how could I see it?
"Atma ajaraha amaraha asti"
These slokas made me examine myself closely and observe myself. It forced me to acknowledge that feelings arose from within. I could see that the same situation would make me smile, be indifferent or laugh - clearly, it was not the situation that evoked the responses but my own mental state. So, should I take my emotions seriously since they were swayed by the mind? They were fleeting and took me on a roller-coaster ride. And what of the situations? They themselves had no power over me if I was in the correct frame of mind.
The net result of these observations was that in a year, I was able to move on and in fact thoroughly enjoy the life in that very city and in that very school that I had hated so much! Two years later when I moved to the main branch, I was prepared for the change and had a ball of a time. Two years after that when I again moved cities to go to college, I was prepared to wait and let things happen rather than expect to enjoy it all from day one.
I learnt a trick of projecting myself into the future when an uncomfortable situation was unfolding. Would whatever was bothering me at a particular moment bother me a year later? If not, does what is bothering me now really matter? Suddenly, this distancing myself from the situation managed to put unpleasant events in perspective and release me from being bogged down unnecessarily.
I remember I was having a heated argument with one of my bosses when I was working. Neither of us, in fact, had ever displayed a bad temper before and we got along well. But he was stressed about some numbers the management wanted clarification about and he was simply passing that stress on to me. As I knew how the number mismatch happened, I was the best person to respond to it though I was in no way responsible for creating the mismatch.
Suddenly the thought flashed in the middle of the shouting match: will this really matter in a year's time? That's all I needed to get a hold of myself.
Ironically, life did change in that one year. He was no longer with the organization and the whole setup had changed dramatically so that in a few months I too quit! It was because of those very numbers. But when I quit, it was hardly important. I just wanted out.
As a freelancer, I had the good fortune to help someone with research on Indian scriptures and mental health. It was an eye-opener, for I realised that the scriptures were all about the mind. The body-mind-soul form the three pillars of life and what happens to the mind affects the soul's journey till you learn to drop it! All the practices aim to help you deal with that mind, to maintain equanimity through storms. Prayers are not to keep the storms at bay but to help you walk through them without getting blown away!
Does all this realisation mean I have never felt low after that? No. But I have realised the causes that trigger the 'low' are sometimes mere last straws. That the same straw may not affect you at another time but at that moment, it weighs like a tonne of bricks on you. And this brings me to the interesting influence of planets on your life and mind.
I was living alone at one point after I had started working. I was going through a period of low and assumed I knew the cause. I shed copious tears in my room though at work I was always smiling.
And then someone happened to see my birth chart and pointed out some periods when I would experience the low. One was exactly when I was 13/14, one was that very moment when I was going through it and one a few years later.
It was so liberating. Suddenly the cause ceased to matter. I bounced up feeling silly. If the planets were causing me to feel low, then the cause was not important to me. And since then, whenever I feel myself going low, I stop seeking the cause. I know it is the planets. And they will do their duty. I didn't have to get affected by them. I just had to weather the storm and accept this as part of my life.
Our scriptures give a perspective on life, mind and the world, to help us make the best of living and making a living. We have a duty, our course is charted. Accepting fate is not laziness. Nor does it brook laziness. You have to act and actions have consequences. But by trying to do our best always, we can expect the consequences to be favourable. Even if they are unfavourable at times, that is also our lot and accepting that keeps our mind healthy and happy. Even unhappiness is part of life. We don't have to make a song and dance of it.
We are our own friends first. And what makes a good friend is acceptance. Not expectations. The expectation that we should always be healthy, happy and successful - this expectation is our enemy. We can wish to be healthy, happy and successful. We can work towards it, but we will fall ill, feel unhappy, fail. That's okay. Just observe it and move on. Don't judge yourself then. Remain untouched.
A theme that is repeated again and again in all our scriptures. That you are untouched, free, but you don't see it.
It is hard to see, of course, because we use that same mind to see! But it is not impossible. That is where practices and constant exposure to the scriptures become important.
Nothing works magically. Even in this, there has to be perseverance and hard work. Begin somewhere and persist so that you can discard the shackles.
May you win this mind game. May you experience freedom. May you find your true, joyous self.
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