Dobie and Me: Chapter 15

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Shiv was out before I woke up the next morning and returned late in the night. Before I could ask him if he had had dinner, he banged his room door shut. Amit followed soon after and was gentler. He even sat with me and told me about his day. Taking Gautam’s advice, I tried hard not to think of this difficult matter and maintain a calm front. Dobie seemed to sense the anger in the air and was sulking, not responding to Amit’s invitation to sit by him.

“What’s with him?” Amit asked edgily.

“Dobie,” I called out softly. He turned his face to the wall. “He is behaving like the two of you,” I couldn’t help commenting.

That must have hurt Amit, for he went to his room. It was just Dobie and me. Dobie came to me and buried his face in my lap.

Shiv went off with his friends the next morning again, curtly informing me that he would be away for two days. Amit sulked and I really wished I had kept Gautam a secret. Some of my friends knew about him, but I was not about to go to town about him. I am sure word had spread and I was probably a laughing stock. I didn’t care for it either way.

How bad would it have been if I had kept it from my sons? They may hear it from others, and that would have been even worse than this.

I sat with my head in my hands, unable to think or do any work. But finally, work is opium.

I crashed on the bed that night, tired from doing physical labour – cleaning, gardening, walking. So I was surprised to have a body snuggle close to me.

Shiv! “Baby!” I said and hugged him. My 20-year-old was crying uncontrollably. Amit sat next to me. I put an arm around my sons. “I thought you were away?” I asked Shiv, delighted to have him home with me.

“I didn’t go. I couldn’t,” he said and buried his face on my shoulder. “I am sorry!” he said and started crying again.

I ran my fingers through his hair. He said something, I said something stupid and Amit added to it. Suddenly we were giggling. Since he was not allowed on the bed, Dobie jumped excitedly on the floor.

That’s all it takes for a family to get back together.

I treated the three of us to ice cream stocked in the fridge.  

“I miss you so much,” I said when I saw their cream-smeared mouths. I reached out to them and held their free hand in mine, my eyes blurring with tears.

“Mmm...can we finish the ice cream first?” Shiv asked, no trace of the cry baby evident anymore. “Hungry,” he explained. I laughed. I don’t know where all that he ate vanished; he was thin, and he was a guzzler.

“Boys,” I said softly. “Can you do me the favour of meeting Gautam?” I looked at them apprehensively. They exchanged a glance.

“Ma…” Amit started to say. “Please,” I begged. He nodded and Shiv remained silent.

It was so tough – I couldn’t really discuss Gautam with them. We were not an adulterous couple, meeting for satiating a physical need. There were days when we just sat together, pursuing our work. It was companionship we sought and gave each other. It was the next best thing to being married to someone you loved, and continued to love.

And then there were days when the warmth of another body next to you was priceless. How could I explain that to my sons?

Gautam could never replace Pratyush. But Pratyush wasn’t returning to fill his place next to me!

They met for dinner two nights later. I treaded carefully, was extremely tense and I could sense tension in my sons as they helped me. Gautam, when he arrived, seemed to experience the same awkwardness. The meal promised to be a disaster; conversation was slow and boring. It was as if we were in a funeral home. Someone had to take the lead and end the mourning.

Being the factor that brought them together, the architect of this disastrous evening, I felt stressed even more. Dobie, my darling, came to our rescue. Having given Gautam a cool reception earlier, he decided to be all warm and welcoming after we finished dinner.

It loosened all of us up and Gautam finally asked the boys all the right questions – apart from what they were doing and what they intended doing, which had sounded as if he was intending to become their full time father.

I knew Amit and he shared an interest in music, and his trekking trip would excite Shiv. I sat back and listened to the men discussing these topics to their heart’s content.

When Gautam left a little after 10, the boys shook his hand warmly and the three promised to go out on a men-only trekking trip. I hoped they will follow this up and something will work out.

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