Breaking Moulds, Aspiring for More

I recently received this forward:
In 'Three Idiots', Aamir Khan said we must allow children to pursue their dreams.
In 'Taare Zameen Par', he said children need not pursue any dreams.
In 'Dangal' he says, make your children fulfill your dreams.
How confusing.




As a forward, I take this to be a joke and smile. But, seriously, I think it misses the point by several miles. For I think there is one consistent message throughout - find the best in your child and hone it. Don't go by social conventions, but see what works for your child.

The focus is your child.

Now, there have been criticisms. Phogat imposes his dreams on his daughters and forces them to train for something they never aspired for, to achieve a goal they never dreamed of. Isn't this regressive?

Now, I had no idea about the Phogats; and still don't, except for what 'Dangal' tells me. So this maybe a rosier version of the real story. But, let's pause for a moment and think - what did the two girls aspire for that the father stopped them from achieving? Was it music, dance, art, academic excellence? Or just the ordinary life of a housewife living in the shadows?

They were preparing themselves for a life similar to their mothers. Or, considering the decade they were growing up in and their background, they may have found an average job in an average organisation, got married and juggled between work and home; or just home, having quit their jobs after marriage.

The father saw their potential. He did not treat them like boys just to satisfy his ego, but after he saw the fire in them. They maybe too young to know and understand. And if he had let life take its course, by the time they realised, it would have been too late. Once he knew they had it in them, he trained them.

Now, you are talking serious sports here. Competing literally in a man's world. In a world where the girls were not even allowed entry except initially as a showpiece to attract the crowd. Can mere imposition bring out such stalwart performances? Would we have been happier to see the father wring his hands in frustration and say, "They are girls, let them manage the kitchen and the household"? To me, that would have been regressive.

As a parent I know we always make mistakes. But if it means making our children work harder to achieve what they are good at, then let's make that mistake. Even children get limited by social pressures and peer thinking. As children, their focus is playing and day dreaming. And it is important that they do. But if they have the potential to achieve greatness, then it is criminal to let them wallow in mediocrity.

Nothing comes easy. Not even the decision to pursue greatness. So when you do it, make sure your child can make the dream his or her own...

That is what the Phogat girls did. So don't crucify the father. Applaud him. For through the grumbling and protests, they matured into responsible players.

I am no wrestling fan. But at the crucial moment during the Commonwealth games portrayed in the movie, I held my breath. When Geeta won, I applauded. When the national anthem played, I stood up in pride, eyes filled with tears.

Would we rather our children sat in the audience cheering others, wishing they were there on centrestage, or give them every opportunity to prove themselves? Teach them to aspire, inspire them to work hard, support them through ups and downs... That is your bounden duty by your children.

Not to let 'let children be' become an excuse for laziness.