Dobie and Me: Chapter 17

 Read Chapter 16 here 

What stopped me from contacting him? Pride, of course! Every time my fingers lingered over his number, I withdrew them quickly. I did not want to sound desperate, all the more because I was desperate.

And, then the glance they exchanged, the emotions they revealed! That moment, those two faces… I shook my head to dislodge the memory. But it wouldn’t go away. I couldn’t forget the way the two had looked at each other – her eyes… That expression! That eagerness!

I swallowed, my heart fluttering.

Then I had to tell myself I was being morbid. They were divorced. When I overcame my own hesitation, his phone came switched off or out of range. This was like my life nearly 25 years ago – when Shankar’s silence caused much the same pain.

I was an older woman, a widow, mother of two. I had experienced hurt and disappointment. But I was not prepared.

Dobie and headache became my constant companions. It was almost a fortnight now since Gautam’s mother died. I had tried reaching him around the 10^th day. I gave up hope, even wondered if he had changed his phone number and felt humiliated.

The doorbell rang, startling me since it was mid-morning and time for some quiet. Courier? I thought irritably as I opened the door. I didn’t recognise Gautam for a moment. With his head tonsured, he looking leaner and fit. But it was the fact that I had stopped expecting him that made me pause for a second.

He smiled. My eyes welled up.

I stepped back to let him enter the house and close the door behind him. Though I resisted throwing myself on him, my words came out in a rush, “Where were you? I was worried! I called but couldn’t reach you!”

He looked puzzled. “There were the rites to be performed.”

I moved away, not voicing my disappointment. Surely, he could have called me in between sometime.

He made himself comfortable on the sofa and became busy with Dobie’s warmer welcome. Maybe he didn’t even realise that I was upset.

He seemed to have more to share with Dobie than me just then. As I made coffee in the kitchen, he continued to play with Dobie rather than join me – which was unprecedented. I saw this as an ominous sign and wondered what lay in store for me.

I was so engrossed in my thoughts that I did not notice him come to the kitchen. I picked up the coffee cups and turned, and was startled to see him leaning against the door.

“Missed Dobie,” he said laughing. Dobie came up behind him and stood with his paws on Gautam’s shoulders. “Don’t sneak up on me, boy!” Gautam said chuckling and I had to intervene sternly to discipline Dobie. I felt even he had betrayed me by allying with Gautam.

Dobie’s playfulness seemed to know no bounds. I had to raise my voice to quieten him and he sulked. Ignoring him, I sat across Gautam in the dining room. I blushed as I caught him looking at me keenly. I looked away, not wanting him to see the tears in my eyes.

“You seem upset,” he finally realised.

I shook my head. “Just some headache that makes my eyes water,” I lied. He got up and came to me. My body trembled in anticipation. He put his hands to my head, pressing it gently. “What has brought this on? Partying in my absence?” he teased me.

I got up abruptly and faced him. But whatever I wanted to say never reached my lips. “I think if I sleep I will be fine,” I said, wanting him to leave, but wanting him to stay back at the same time.

He frowned. “You don’t seem happy to see me…” he took my face in his hands.

I clasped his hands, intending to free myself; but instead, I gripped them tightly. My eyes welled up. He leaned and kissed me cheeks. I closed my eyes and leaned into him, letting his hands go around him. “You didn’t seem to want to see me,” I said, unable to keep the complaint out of my voice.

“I am sorry, I was very disturbed,” he whispered. It was my turn to comfort him. “In the last few years, she had gone so far away from us that I couldn’t even remember my mother from my younger days... Vandana and I decided we will take her ashes to all the places she would have liked to visit. Haridwar, Rishikesh and Kasi… It was just the three of us...” His voice tapered.

I panicked. “Three?” I asked, imagining that beautiful woman with them.

“My mother’s memories, and her only earthly remains…”

What a fool I was! So selfish!

He put his head on my shoulder and clung to me. I clasped him close to me. We stood silently for a few minutes.

(Continue to the next chapter here)