It was like a battery of bullets being discharged, a sten gun in action. Ta-da-da-da-da she went. Anger bubbled. She felt so wronged at her wishes not being given due respect, of being forced to do something she did not want to year.
And then when something she liked presented her with an opportunity to be a part of it, the person coordinating it did not take the initiative to make it happen. He did not allow her to take the initiative either. That further sent her on a spin, and the new anger rekindled the old frustrations.
In that state of mind, my soothing words, my reasoning and my solutions did not give any satisfaction. For every suggestion, she raised a new wall. For every positive, she showed me a million other negatives. Silencing her with authority - it wouldn't have worked in any case. But the disappointment and confusion were so obvious that it seemed unfair to use that final devise here.
Love - oh, that wonderful emotion which we think can wipe out every hurt and disappointment - also falls short. It can comfort, it can give strength, but it can also fail to reach that deepest point where the hurt lurks. Because it cannot change the stimulus - especially if you are also viewed as being cahoots with the perpetrators of that situation. "You cannot understand!" she declared decisively.
"But I do! Even I would be roped into dance every time in school programs, but I wanted to act in plays!" I tried empathise.
Even that was not good enough. The sense of being wronged, the anger at being forced would not go away.
Seeing as I did - that she was entangled in her own web of arguments and anger, that it was a maze from which I could not bring her out unless she wanted to, I used the only final instruction that I have been finding effective in the last few years. "I understand, but since you are in a situation from which you cannot back out, the best is to accept it. Sit down tonight before going to bed and focus on your breath." I feared I would find resistance, but she agreed docilely.
Not only was she able to accept it, but she enjoyed it too. I had to stop her from practicing at night 10 after a grueling session in school.
Mind plays games, dragging us into unpleasant emotions, closing all doors of escape. I have found simply asking my children to spend a few minutes with their breath has helped them overcome negativity and deal with life situations better.
Also Read:
Fighting Fears
The Child-like Mind
And then when something she liked presented her with an opportunity to be a part of it, the person coordinating it did not take the initiative to make it happen. He did not allow her to take the initiative either. That further sent her on a spin, and the new anger rekindled the old frustrations.
In that state of mind, my soothing words, my reasoning and my solutions did not give any satisfaction. For every suggestion, she raised a new wall. For every positive, she showed me a million other negatives. Silencing her with authority - it wouldn't have worked in any case. But the disappointment and confusion were so obvious that it seemed unfair to use that final devise here.
Love - oh, that wonderful emotion which we think can wipe out every hurt and disappointment - also falls short. It can comfort, it can give strength, but it can also fail to reach that deepest point where the hurt lurks. Because it cannot change the stimulus - especially if you are also viewed as being cahoots with the perpetrators of that situation. "You cannot understand!" she declared decisively.
"But I do! Even I would be roped into dance every time in school programs, but I wanted to act in plays!" I tried empathise.
Even that was not good enough. The sense of being wronged, the anger at being forced would not go away.
Seeing as I did - that she was entangled in her own web of arguments and anger, that it was a maze from which I could not bring her out unless she wanted to, I used the only final instruction that I have been finding effective in the last few years. "I understand, but since you are in a situation from which you cannot back out, the best is to accept it. Sit down tonight before going to bed and focus on your breath." I feared I would find resistance, but she agreed docilely.
Not only was she able to accept it, but she enjoyed it too. I had to stop her from practicing at night 10 after a grueling session in school.
Mind plays games, dragging us into unpleasant emotions, closing all doors of escape. I have found simply asking my children to spend a few minutes with their breath has helped them overcome negativity and deal with life situations better.
Also Read:
Fighting Fears
The Child-like Mind
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