Dobie and Me: Chapter 9

Read Chapter 8

When I met him a month later, he laughed on hearing of my exploits. “Is that your idea of life?” he asked snidely. “Ok, for the first month it is okay… Let’s see how you fare the coming month…”

“What do you want from me!” I asked exasperated. “You mocked me for not going to a movie or shopping! And now that I tell you I did, you still mock me!”

“Me? It is not what I want from you! It is what you want from you, from your life!” He leaned forward. “Tell me, did you enjoy yourself?”

“Ya, one movie I saw was funny. The other one was okay…”

“Good, do more of that.” He became silent. I remained silent, baffled. We ordered some coffee and I focused stubbornly on drinking it, waiting for him to speak.

He again vanished for a few days after telling me that he was going to be travelling on work. I fell into a routine with my colleagues and even I sensed a change in myself. The days extended to months, and while I missed him, I slowly picked up the threads of my old life. I started reading again, I even caught myself humming and singing. I felt the joy seep in, sun shining and the wind on my face.

In moments of solitude, thoughts of Pratyush kept me company. There was a part that was grateful to him, and then there was respect. And…there was longing to see him. Almost in a whisper, I murmured to myself, to love again.

But with that thought came the dread of rejection and hurt. I could not fathom what had brought Pratyush to the hostel in the first place. He knew about Shankar and me. He had seen me pine for that worthless boy. He had seen me broken and defeated. Even I didn’t find myself attractive.

I sighed deeply, trying to come to terms with my reality. My colleagues teased me with Pratyush, and it took all my willpower to smile through it.

When he visited me three months later at office, I held myself tight. The longing to put my arms around him, and the need to exercise restraint conflicted and tormented me. I feared my own feelings. We went to our usual haunt. As the evening progressed and he told me about his trip in boring detail, I slowly realised that I wanted to spend my life with Pratyush – he had given without asking; he had made me my own master when I would have willingly become his slave.

“What if this is our last day together?” I asked him on impulse. I couldn’t stand the tension of being next to him, like a friend, when I desperately wanted to feel his arms around me like a lover. Of course we had hugged each other, he had put his arm around my shoulders, I had taken his hand in mine, and shared a million such gestures. But they were as friends, trusted friends, significant but not intimate. I could not bear that casualness one minute more.

He looked at me keenly. “Why should it be?”

I was silent for a moment, my heart fluttering nervously. At that moment, I couldn’t even think of anything to make it sound like a joke. “Let’s say this is to be our very last meeting, what would you like as a parting gift?”

I don’t know what answer I was expecting. He looked at me straight, into my eyes. I was embarrassed and looked away. “Will you give whatever I ask for?”

I looked up, back at him. “If it is within my means,” I said firmly. I could not think of a single thing he would need from me.

His expression changed from one of demand to something softer. I felt like jelly. My heart melted and I felt I could cry any moment.

“You,” he said softly.

Every cell in my body vibrated with life. My eyes widened. My cheeks felt warm. I did not understand him. Did he meant it as an insult or…

He took my hand in his. “Will you marry me?” he asked.

My head reeled. I snatched my hand back, unable to take the sudden surge of emotions. Tears welled up in my eyes.

“I am sorry!” Pratyush exclaimed. I got up and walked into the night, trying to come to terms with this wonderful turn of events without a thought for how Pratyush would read my reaction.

He came running after me. “I didn’t mean to upset you Mahek. I am sorry! I know you are in love with someone else… But…”

I stopped and stared at him. “Don’t be stupid, Pratyush. I moved on, because of you…” I stepped closer and hugged him. “I will marry you.”

Nothing happened for a second. Then I felt his hands around me.

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