For some space, peace and silence. No solicitous enquiries, no being taken care of, no benign watching over.
And then walks in a friend, a relative, a neighbour, with good intentions, wanting to give you care, help you tide over the period.. They genuinely care. This is their moment to show they care. They think you need the care.
But do you? Are you ready for it? Even if you beg to be spared their kindness and they insist? Are you being ungrateful or the caregiver being a pest?
It seems like an ego trip for the care-giver, an opportunity to show off, or a way not to feel guilty that they did any less. And it seems as if your independence, your privacy is gone.
Can we thrust care down someone's throat just because they are down, out or we think they need it?
If we keep a distance, will they think us uncaring?
If we ignore their offer for care, are we a snob?
Is it just a perspective, yet another puzzle in human relationships that never fits?
Also on: Perspective
And then walks in a friend, a relative, a neighbour, with good intentions, wanting to give you care, help you tide over the period.. They genuinely care. This is their moment to show they care. They think you need the care.
But do you? Are you ready for it? Even if you beg to be spared their kindness and they insist? Are you being ungrateful or the caregiver being a pest?
It seems like an ego trip for the care-giver, an opportunity to show off, or a way not to feel guilty that they did any less. And it seems as if your independence, your privacy is gone.
Can we thrust care down someone's throat just because they are down, out or we think they need it?
If we keep a distance, will they think us uncaring?
If we ignore their offer for care, are we a snob?
Is it just a perspective, yet another puzzle in human relationships that never fits?
Also on: Perspective
I was in a similar predicament not too long ago.
ReplyDeleteChapter III, Karma Yoga of The Gita makes this easy- know what to do, how to do, how much to do and most importantly when to do! Good intentions alone ARE NOT an excuse for thrusting yourself on others. You are correct-in a way that only satisfies one's own ego or guilt-free outlook. The recipient must also be ready for the kindness. Be available- that is the best help for these people sometimes. They'll come to you when they feel the need.
ReplyDeleteWonderful reminder. This was always my policy...but sometimes one forgets... :)
ReplyDelete