Thirty-year-old Ashwin checked his watch impatiently. He was excited, beyond words. He was going to spend time with his classmates from the first school he had studied in till class 8. They were going to spend a couple of days in a beach resort. It was not the resort that mattered, but the time he would be spending with these long-lost friends.
His family had moved cities when he was 13 years old, compelling him to leave behind his friends of eight years to adapt to a new environment. He had rebelled, thrown tantrums, cried himself hoarse and fallen sick. But his parents, understanding, sympathetic but equally helpless, had stood by him without budging an inch. That was the closest he had come to hating them. As time passed, and he saw no change in the situation, he had to grudgingly accept new friends and a new life. It was a new him too, more on the sidelines, more watchful, more a spectator.
Oh yes, he made friends, but his mind constantly went back to the old school. As he progressed into the teens, he wondered who was dating whom, which friends had surpassed the other in cricket, who was pursuing what. His own performance remained average and he hated having to put in the extra effort to cross the boundaries to excel.
Technology enabled him to keep in touch, but even among his own friends he had grown up with, he felt like a stranger peeping in from the outside. Oh how he hated it all!
When the plan to meet came up, he felt honoured that he asked to join. "Is it really necessary?" his wife Shraddha asked, puzzled at his eagerness to meet people he had barely kept in touch for nearly a decade-and-a-half! There were so many of her classmates, people she had studied with for all 12 years, whom she wanted to forget and ignore. She hardly ever attended the alumni meets though she was in the same city, and could not fathom his keenness to reconnect with the past. Except for a couple, she had made it a point to look through the others.
"Yes! You will not understand. You didn't have an opportunity to miss them the way I did!" he pointed out.
"It would have been good riddance," she gritted her teeth and went about her business.
Ashwin rolled his eyes, deciding not to waste his breath on an unfeeling, unsentimental wife. "I can't think like that. I had great friends and I have missed them deeply," he declared firmly. "Though we chat on the phone, it is not the same thing..."
"If you are determined to go, please go," she gave him permission. It was unnecessary since he was going, come what may.
He booked tickets and had company as a couple of classmates who had joined school after he had left, also were planning to go. The trip was pleasant as they exchanged notes on their current careers and life. But Ashwin was waiting for the old friends and as they neared the destination, he felt his heartbeat race in anticipation.
He almost fell on Ratan, one of his closes friends from back then. Ratan welcomed him warmly with an affectionate, "You louse, remembered us only now!"
It was wonderful, wonderful, just, simply wonderful! There was Shekhar, Ahmed, and a few others were expected a little later. Of course, some were unable to make it, but Ashwin felt this was a good beginning.
During dinner, some of his euphoria waned as he couldn't understand some of the codes his friends used; felt like an outsider as he couldn't relate to some of the shared experiences of the class; and definitely longed for the bonding the others seemed to share. Even the friends he had been close to had moved on. He felt memories of his own misery raising its head again. This is what he had wanted so badly, this bonding... And he could never get it now.
After dinner, the atmosphere grew more relaxed as people split into groups. Ratan, Ashwin and Ahmed too stepped out to enjoy the fresh air outside. "Where did Shekhar go?"
Ratan gave Ashwin a wistful look. "He changed, in school itself. You remember, Mad? He was upset because he was given out when he thought he was not? It was really a trivial thing, but he seemed to have bottled up a lot of grievances. I think it was in 10th that he broke off and has not been the same."
"Oh!" Ashwin said, slightly disappointed at this change in affairs.
"I won't say he was entirely wrong," Ahmed said. "I think you and Shashi were rather hard on him."
"What are you trying to say, haan?" Ratan sat forward, frowning.
"What I have always maintained. You guys were always giving him a hard deal!"
"Look, what do you know about him? He is a whiner of the first order!" Ratan snapped.
"He has ample to whine about! And as friends, what have you guys done for him?" Ahmed demanded.
Ashwin tried to intervene, to calm nerves, but clearly, this was an old dispute the two were carrying forward. As the argument grew, Ashwin realised that his friends, the friends he had longed for, the group he had missed the most, without whom he had been so miserable, had themselves drifted apart. He had missed nothing. Nothing. Just a notion of friendship and continuity. But what had continued after he left were only break ups and half-hearted patching up.
Though the rest of the trip was fun due to the activities planned, Ashwin couldn't help noticing that many avoided personal interactions.
When he returned, nothing would make him reveal his disappointment to a smug Shraddha. But she knew without his telling her - his chatting had come down as had his desire to reconnect.
His family had moved cities when he was 13 years old, compelling him to leave behind his friends of eight years to adapt to a new environment. He had rebelled, thrown tantrums, cried himself hoarse and fallen sick. But his parents, understanding, sympathetic but equally helpless, had stood by him without budging an inch. That was the closest he had come to hating them. As time passed, and he saw no change in the situation, he had to grudgingly accept new friends and a new life. It was a new him too, more on the sidelines, more watchful, more a spectator.
Oh yes, he made friends, but his mind constantly went back to the old school. As he progressed into the teens, he wondered who was dating whom, which friends had surpassed the other in cricket, who was pursuing what. His own performance remained average and he hated having to put in the extra effort to cross the boundaries to excel.
Technology enabled him to keep in touch, but even among his own friends he had grown up with, he felt like a stranger peeping in from the outside. Oh how he hated it all!
When the plan to meet came up, he felt honoured that he asked to join. "Is it really necessary?" his wife Shraddha asked, puzzled at his eagerness to meet people he had barely kept in touch for nearly a decade-and-a-half! There were so many of her classmates, people she had studied with for all 12 years, whom she wanted to forget and ignore. She hardly ever attended the alumni meets though she was in the same city, and could not fathom his keenness to reconnect with the past. Except for a couple, she had made it a point to look through the others.
"Yes! You will not understand. You didn't have an opportunity to miss them the way I did!" he pointed out.
"It would have been good riddance," she gritted her teeth and went about her business.
Ashwin rolled his eyes, deciding not to waste his breath on an unfeeling, unsentimental wife. "I can't think like that. I had great friends and I have missed them deeply," he declared firmly. "Though we chat on the phone, it is not the same thing..."
"If you are determined to go, please go," she gave him permission. It was unnecessary since he was going, come what may.
He booked tickets and had company as a couple of classmates who had joined school after he had left, also were planning to go. The trip was pleasant as they exchanged notes on their current careers and life. But Ashwin was waiting for the old friends and as they neared the destination, he felt his heartbeat race in anticipation.
He almost fell on Ratan, one of his closes friends from back then. Ratan welcomed him warmly with an affectionate, "You louse, remembered us only now!"
It was wonderful, wonderful, just, simply wonderful! There was Shekhar, Ahmed, and a few others were expected a little later. Of course, some were unable to make it, but Ashwin felt this was a good beginning.
During dinner, some of his euphoria waned as he couldn't understand some of the codes his friends used; felt like an outsider as he couldn't relate to some of the shared experiences of the class; and definitely longed for the bonding the others seemed to share. Even the friends he had been close to had moved on. He felt memories of his own misery raising its head again. This is what he had wanted so badly, this bonding... And he could never get it now.
After dinner, the atmosphere grew more relaxed as people split into groups. Ratan, Ashwin and Ahmed too stepped out to enjoy the fresh air outside. "Where did Shekhar go?"
Ratan gave Ashwin a wistful look. "He changed, in school itself. You remember, Mad? He was upset because he was given out when he thought he was not? It was really a trivial thing, but he seemed to have bottled up a lot of grievances. I think it was in 10th that he broke off and has not been the same."
"Oh!" Ashwin said, slightly disappointed at this change in affairs.
"I won't say he was entirely wrong," Ahmed said. "I think you and Shashi were rather hard on him."
"What are you trying to say, haan?" Ratan sat forward, frowning.
"What I have always maintained. You guys were always giving him a hard deal!"
"Look, what do you know about him? He is a whiner of the first order!" Ratan snapped.
"He has ample to whine about! And as friends, what have you guys done for him?" Ahmed demanded.
Ashwin tried to intervene, to calm nerves, but clearly, this was an old dispute the two were carrying forward. As the argument grew, Ashwin realised that his friends, the friends he had longed for, the group he had missed the most, without whom he had been so miserable, had themselves drifted apart. He had missed nothing. Nothing. Just a notion of friendship and continuity. But what had continued after he left were only break ups and half-hearted patching up.
Though the rest of the trip was fun due to the activities planned, Ashwin couldn't help noticing that many avoided personal interactions.
When he returned, nothing would make him reveal his disappointment to a smug Shraddha. But she knew without his telling her - his chatting had come down as had his desire to reconnect.
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