Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you. - Kahlil Gibran.
A quote I fervently hold on to, and so am probably almost a negligent parent. I believe children have to find their way around in life as best as they can, and we can only provide them with a secure home to come back to.
So when my children have problems with their friends, I have a hands off policy - deal with it yourself, see what is it that you can do to make it better.
But when recently my daughter was denied entry into the house of the friend she is closest to, I was upset. Maybe because adults had intervened. The girl's grandparents passed an edict against my daughter, and this time, I knew she was not at fault as the incident had happened when I was around. I saw my daughter depressed that evening, and I felt a rock in my stomach. I tried not to get involved. But for three days she went to their house hoping to be let in and wasn't. I wanted to rage against the grandparents, call the mother and amicably resolve this, then decided against all of it.
Three days later, she wanted to bring this friend swimming with us, I frowned.
Before I could comment, the girl was here, and they made plans and she left to get ready.
My daughter came to me, visibly excited, her eyes shining, "Amma, do you think this girl and I are related? Like is she your father's brother's brother's brother's cousin's cousin's cousin or something like that?"
"Why?" I asked, already feeling stupid for getting emotionally attached to this issue.
"We fight, but... We spend the entire time togeter - except mornings. I feel we maybe related, we are very close."
I silently took the two swimming and watched the girl teach my daughter breast stroke. I realised for the nth time that though my daughter still preferred the shallow side in the pool, because of this girl, she dares go underwater and is less frightened of water.
The only thing I can say in my defense is, I kept my trap shut even when I was raring to blast out.
A quote I fervently hold on to, and so am probably almost a negligent parent. I believe children have to find their way around in life as best as they can, and we can only provide them with a secure home to come back to.
So when my children have problems with their friends, I have a hands off policy - deal with it yourself, see what is it that you can do to make it better.
But when recently my daughter was denied entry into the house of the friend she is closest to, I was upset. Maybe because adults had intervened. The girl's grandparents passed an edict against my daughter, and this time, I knew she was not at fault as the incident had happened when I was around. I saw my daughter depressed that evening, and I felt a rock in my stomach. I tried not to get involved. But for three days she went to their house hoping to be let in and wasn't. I wanted to rage against the grandparents, call the mother and amicably resolve this, then decided against all of it.
Three days later, she wanted to bring this friend swimming with us, I frowned.
Before I could comment, the girl was here, and they made plans and she left to get ready.
My daughter came to me, visibly excited, her eyes shining, "Amma, do you think this girl and I are related? Like is she your father's brother's brother's brother's cousin's cousin's cousin or something like that?"
"Why?" I asked, already feeling stupid for getting emotionally attached to this issue.
"We fight, but... We spend the entire time togeter - except mornings. I feel we maybe related, we are very close."
I silently took the two swimming and watched the girl teach my daughter breast stroke. I realised for the nth time that though my daughter still preferred the shallow side in the pool, because of this girl, she dares go underwater and is less frightened of water.
The only thing I can say in my defense is, I kept my trap shut even when I was raring to blast out.
Good idea not to intervene..would have made a mess and the kids would ave suffered!
ReplyDeleteYou are awesome!!
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