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My head reeled. He pulled me up and took me in his arms. “She
thinks that you will never take this…relationship forward.”
I pushed him away. “Are we to marry to prove her wrong?” I asked,
feeling a stirring of a slow rage within me.
“Don’t you want us to be together?” he demanded.
“Is marriage necessary?” I asked.
“Are you afraid to commit?” he threw the ball back in my court.
“Do you doubt my commitment?” I retaliated fiercely.
“Then why this hesitation to marry? It is just a formality.”
“Is marriage just a formality!?” I asked horrified.
“So what it that you are scared of!” he persisted.
“Not scared of,” I said, pausing to think. “But we never talked of
marrying,” I pointed out. “There was never a talk of marriage or “next level”,”
I said, putting air quotes around the words, “till a while ago. And now that
Shivani is in the picture, you seem uncertain about us!” I was on the offensive
now.
“That is not true! But I would like us to be a family! I would like to start a family.”
My jaw dropped. “What!”
He shrugged. Both of us fell silent.
“She has put ideas in your head!” I said softly after what seemed
like ages. I thought I had forgotten how to speak. My voice was a barely
audible whisper.
“I can think for myself, thank you,” he said crisply. He looked at
me and matched my tone as he said, “The trouble is, you seem to have no thought
for what I may want.”
I swallowed, unable to recognise this man in front of me anymore.
“And are you thinking about what I want?” I couldn’t resist
asking. “Can I even give you what you ask for?” I hoped he understood what I
meant. I held his eyes, willing him to understand. I was rewarded with
understanding. But the realisation brought with it shock. I felt blood draining
from my face. I felt humiliated.
I turned away.
“You never told me this,” he said accusingly.
“The question never arose,” I said.
“What do you think we should do?” he asked after a pregnant pause.
I felt tears choke me. I quietly picked up my car keys. “We have
always taken our own decisions, Gautam. Why change it now?”
I walked out. He didn’t ask me to stay.
Routine is a blessing in some ways. Even if I neglected food and
sleep, Dobie needed his from time to time. He soothed me into resuming my
routine. And the routine sedated me into living a near normal life.
That was on the outside. Inside, her face lingered, the way she
had looked at him. And the way he had looked at her. It was at such times that
I found breathing difficult.
His silence was killing, but it held some hope. When he messaged, it
left me with nothing except empty words.
He told me of his decision, the reason for it… and a desire to
remain friends.
I exited Whatsapp.
“Come Dobie,” I said and stepped out into the night.
This time, I held Dobie on a tight leash.
(Concluded)
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