Dobie and Me: Chapter 12

Read Chapter 11, if you haven't yet

Dobie was snoozing. He barely opened his eyes when we entered, and went back to his beauty nap.

I cleaned his dish and put some fresh food in it. Gautam joined me in the kitchen and I started making coffee without asking. He placed the cups on the counter and added sugar. I brewed coffee. The silence hung between us. I was immensely disappointed at this transformed man, and uncomfortable when I caught him staring at me.

Finally, I turned to face him, though uncertainly.

He stretched his arm and disarmed me. I hesitated. Aroma of coffee drifted. I switched the gas off. He was next to me and his arms went around me. I felt dizzy as my body was on fire. I closed my eyes and let Gautam enclose me in his warmth.

“Can I?” he asked softly. I looked down, both in confusion and acquiescence. He turned me towards him and I looked up. We stopped to gaze at each for a moment. I lowered my head again and let him kiss my forehead. He lifted my chin with a finger. I closed my eyes and he kissed them. He kissed my nose. I felt our breaths clash and opened my eyes. Our eyes met again and there was no question anymore of what we wanted.

Our lips met. My hands flew around his neck and I pulled him closer. His arms tightened around me and he pulled me up.

There are so many kinds of touches – the affectionate touch of a mother, the protective touch of a father, the warm touch of a friend, the possessive touch of a husband and… the seductive touch of a lover.

With difficulty we separated, but he still held me loosely. “I missed you,” he said softly. “I sometimes want to see you very badly but hesitate. I don’t want to bother you.”

I cupped his chin in my hands and looked into his eyes. “Come anytime,” I whispered softly.

He leaned forward again and kissed me lightly. “Are you sure?” he asked.

I moved back so that he could see me clearly. “No, I am not.” He chuckled. “I am not joking…” I said earnestly. “But I missed you too,” my voice melted in a second.

And I melted in his arms. Coffee was forgotten. Why, this very world ceased to exist. There was Gautam and there was me. When I became aware of the world, Gautam seemed to fill it. I lay next to him, my head against his bare shoulder and his arms around me, my body stretched against his. I felt safe and whole.

But we had to let that moment go. We had to get up and get on, finish the cold coffee, speak of the mundane details of life and resume our lives as if nothing momentous had happened. For of what happened, we could not speak.

It was in his absence that I suffered the most. There was the joy of unconditional union with another human being. There was the guilt of a widow, a mother of two grown up sons, having a relationship with another man who was not the husband, the father of her children. There was the craving for feeling his body against me. There was the need for his company. And there was the fear of the unknown.

I tried to fill my days with frenzied activity, meeting friends, finishing chores, playing with Dobie. But thoughts of Gautam lingered in the background, like soulful music. Sometimes his visits left me longing for more – for we would have time only for a kiss and a hug. Sometimes, he would come looking overwrought and distracted but leave looking recharged and ready to face the world. That was gratifying. I treasured the moments we spent together.

He took me home and introduced me to his sister, Vandana, the next time she visited him. “I am glad he has you,” she whispered and I blushed. And I realised I had an onerous task – of broaching this topic with my sons. They would be coming home next month.

Read Chapter 13 here