Dobie and Me: Chapter 11

(Click here for Chapter 10)

“Who is he, ma?” Amit asked when Shiv, he and I sat down for dinner that night.

I knew who he meant, of course, but I stalled. “Who?”

“Gautam, the man who was here this morning…”

“Who was here this morning?” Shiv asked, not taking his eyes off his phone.

Amit glanced at him but did not answer. Shiv didn’t notice. I observed the two. My elder one was trying to be the man of the family! I smiled to myself. And my younger one was a baby still. It warmed my heart, and made it ache too.

“You remember Dobie met with an accident? He helped,” I said, leaving out the small, insignificant detail of Gautam being responsible for the accident as well.

“And… You guys… hang out?”

I looked at my son trying hard not to laugh. “What are we, clothes?” I asked and saw him impatiently roll his eyes at my ‘mommy-brand of idiocy’.

“I mean, are you both…?”

“Friends, Amit,” I said gently, deciding not to tease him further.

“Oh,” he said and then seemed at a loss. I changed the topic. Today, there had been a subtle shift in the equation, but nothing I could tell my sons about.

But that conversation - exchange of words, really – with my sons remained with me even after they returned to their respective cities. It caught me unawares at times, when I was in the middle of cooking, or walking, or working.

Gautam had brought his mother back home so his visits had come down. When he did come, his visits were very short. He did not mention lunch or dinner again, and I didn’t bring it up myself. I felt disappointed - and I thought that was very unreasonable – and so pretended that I was in fact relieved at not having to take any decisions.

And then, he called me one Saturday morning. “Can you make it for lunch today? Vandana can come over so I can get away. Be ready at 1,” he said. I started to drawl, as if I had a full diary, and not wanting to show how eager I was. He cut me, “I don’t know when I will get the chance next. Please.” I was no proof against such a plea.

He loves Italian, so he took me to an upmarket Italian restaurant, ordered his favourite dish and his favourite dessert. A lot of it was about him, I realised as the lunch progressed. We had known each other but for a short time. Had I misjudged him? There was still so much to understand about each other… I felt his vulnerability, his longing to live a full, normal life. But I felt scared that he was grabbing the first thing that came his way; and that thing was me.

I felt sorry for him. I could understand what caring for a sick parent could be like, but in a public space, seeing this extremely demanding man, seemingly boisterous and on-the-edge man sitting across me in this restaurant. I didn’t know how to deal with it, with him, and fell silent.

When he suggested we go on a drive, I hesitated and made excuses. “Dobie is alone. He becomes restless if I leave him for more than a couple of hours,” I said. It was true, too.

Gautam didn’t say anything, but he seemed more upset than sympathetic. I pursed my lips in disappointment.

Silence filled the space between us uncomfortably.

(Proceed to Chapter 12)