The moment Raksha entered the house, her two aunts who were visiting her parents slunk out of the house. She turned to look at her mother askance. Her mother slapped her forehead and went in. Her father sighed and said, "It looks as if we are keeping you getting married... So that we can enjoy life from your income."
Raksha didn't bother to reply, knowing how far she had travelled and how she had to just ignore these petty insinuations.
The moment flashed before her eyes, when she had stood alone, trembling, facing her greatest dread.
*
"Get out!" Rakhsha shouted at Nitin, finally finding the courage to draw the line, a firm line.
Nitin stepped towards her threateningly, but like a lioness, she reared her head. The shock made him step back. She herself was trembling inside, whether out of fear or anger, she couldn't say. But this was not the moment to analyse. She needed to get him out before he reasserted himself and she lost her confidence.
"Out," she pushed him back and shut the door firmly after him, crying inconsolably.
This was not the end, as she had hoped. Nitin called the next morning, in turn pleading and bullying her to come back home. But under the bright sun of the morning, as her friend Sanya bustled around, giving her a quizzical look from time to time, signalling her to cut the call, to end it all, she felt a little more confident. "I have had enough," she said as she disconnected.
"You have to divorce him and get away from here," her friend advised. "I never understood what you saw in him in the first place," Sanya rolled her eyes.
Raksha felt her heart softening as she recalled the days when Nitin had been different, loving and caring. She felt tears stinging her eyes. She had not even noticed the change in his behaviour till the pattern had set firmly. She had been so blinded by love that she had given up her life to just please him, keep him happy, keep him from getting angry. Twelve precious years, when she should have been focusing on making something out of her life, she had been trying to just keep alive!
If it hadn't been for Sanya, she would have continued to live in that hell. It was Sanya who reminded Raksha of her dreams of making something of her life. "You wanted to do nutrition, become a dietician! You were always reading up stuff, sharing info. Look at you now! You are unable to string one sentence together cohesively!" Sanya had caught on quickly.
Raksha was not allowed to meet her friends, she didn't want to meet them. But Sanya had just landed and taken her out. Nitin had no choice, she had no choice. That one hour Sanya spent with Raksha was enough for her to know that the latter was not happy. Sanya worked with such women abroad, and she saw all the classic symptoms. She slowly extracted the story and Raksha, finally finding release, confessed to the hell her life had become.
And here she was, with Sanya, in her hotel room. Sanya's words, her reassuring manner, and being away from the prison that she called home made Raksha think. When Nitin came to take her away, Sanya had just stepped out. Raksha was determined not to go back. The fact that Sanya would be back any moment had given her courage. But what was she to do when Sanya returned to the US next evening? She would be all alone!
"What about your parents?" Sanya asked as they discussed the next course of action later that evening.
Raksha shook her head. "They were against my marrying Nitin, and cut off all relationship. Now they are living with my brother, who will never accept me."
"You cannot remain here for sure," Sanya realised. She made enquiries and managed to find a safe home for Raksha. She connected her to an NGO that worked with battered women.
Raksha filed for divorce with Sanya's help, but though Nitin refused to sign the divorce papers, she was granted it on the grounds of cruelty. It was liberating, knowing she was free of him finally. She found a job to keep her body and soul together. But it was a lonely job, sitting at the reception, watching people pass her to do more meaningful work. It gave her plenty of time to look back at the last few years and relive the torture.
"You know, I am making at least a 100 day because of you," the office baffoon Jaydev told her one evening. He was really part of the sales team, but he was also forever making everyone laugh with his jokes. He had probably failed only with Raksha. "Today I made a killing!" he added, flourishing five 100 rupee notes. She looked at him uncomprehendingly. "For the number of times you frowned today," he laughed.
"You laugh at another's misery!"
"One who enjoys it...don't you?"
"Who likes to be miserable?" she turned her eyes away.
"You don't seem to want to come out!" he pointed out quite bluntly.
"What do you know!" she turned to him with her eyes flashing, wishing she had had this same anger when dealing with Nitin. Tears sprang up and she blinked as she looked away. "Please," she said her voice breaking.
Jaydev felt foolish. "I am sorry! It was just meant light-heartedly! There is no bet... I just thought you would laugh!"
"It isn't funny," she whispered.
Jayadev couldn't leave fast enough, embarrassed at her sudden display of emotions.
Though she was always early, next morning she was there before Jayadev came to work. She gave him a feeble smile, "Thank you," she said softly. He looked at her stricken. "For reminding me to smile more..." she said.
"Hey, look, I didn't mean..." Jayadev started defensively.
She shook her head. "You meant it, didn't you, that I should smile? Or do you want me to look miserable again?" Her eyes twinkled. Jayadev looked at her doubtfully and then chuckled sheepishly.
Sanya, Jayadev, a few others... Strangers, acquaintances, through casual or intentional remarks slowly brought her to her senses. Nitin was a past. A pleasant one that turned sour. Love that turned to fear. But that didn't have to change Raksha to a coward. No... She slowly clutched at straws and floated in groups to avoid feeling alone. She joined post graduation in the university, attending evening classes. She tried to make herself more useful at work.
She rediscovered herself. She had dreamed once, she would not let bitterness turn her into a cynic. This second chance was for her to make something of her life. With her experience at the workplace and when she completed her post graduation, she was able to enter a BPO as a manager.
She moved to a small house. It seemed incomplete and just a house of bricks. With great hesitation, she went to visit her parents in her brother's house. "Raksha!" her mother said with surprise and hugged her daughter, time the healer having erased the hurt her daughter had caused her. As the parents listened to her story, of her fight alone, they were stunned and not a less angry with themselves. "We didn't even care to find out how you were!" When she hesitantly asked them to move in with her, "It gets lonely..." she whispered, they agreed immediately.
It was not easy though, having her parents around! She resented their treating her like a child again, though she enjoyed the pampering.
And now these aunts, relatives, friends!
"You have done all that you wanted to. Including marrying a man against our wishes..." her mother slowly started raking up the past in the hope of convincing Raksha to have a better future. "We had lined up such good grooms. All is not lost. Your aunt Nimmi was speaking about one of her relatives. He is a divorcee..."
"She can marry him!" she snapped and looked away.
Her spirit longed to fly unfettered, didn't her parents understand that? Nitin was her mistake, but what she had learnt from it was invaluable. She had loved, feared, overcome challenges and learnt many things - about herself, about life. She cherished now her freedom, her happiness, her career, her leisure.
She turned to tell her mother this when saw the hurt on her face. She hugged her. "I have missed you both, ma... Let me enjoy your presence some more," she said softly.
"What will people say? That we are living off our daughter's money?"
Raksha shook her head. "They won't understand ma. Your daughter is living off her parents' love..."
"For how long...?"
"Till it lasts... Till you can love me..."
Her mother hugged her and cried. "Till you can bear having us..." Her eyes gleamed as she looked at her daughter. "We are proud of you..." she whispered.
Raksha rested her head on her mother's shoulder, feeling finally at peace.
Raksha didn't bother to reply, knowing how far she had travelled and how she had to just ignore these petty insinuations.
The moment flashed before her eyes, when she had stood alone, trembling, facing her greatest dread.
*
"Get out!" Rakhsha shouted at Nitin, finally finding the courage to draw the line, a firm line.
Nitin stepped towards her threateningly, but like a lioness, she reared her head. The shock made him step back. She herself was trembling inside, whether out of fear or anger, she couldn't say. But this was not the moment to analyse. She needed to get him out before he reasserted himself and she lost her confidence.
"Out," she pushed him back and shut the door firmly after him, crying inconsolably.
This was not the end, as she had hoped. Nitin called the next morning, in turn pleading and bullying her to come back home. But under the bright sun of the morning, as her friend Sanya bustled around, giving her a quizzical look from time to time, signalling her to cut the call, to end it all, she felt a little more confident. "I have had enough," she said as she disconnected.
"You have to divorce him and get away from here," her friend advised. "I never understood what you saw in him in the first place," Sanya rolled her eyes.
Raksha felt her heart softening as she recalled the days when Nitin had been different, loving and caring. She felt tears stinging her eyes. She had not even noticed the change in his behaviour till the pattern had set firmly. She had been so blinded by love that she had given up her life to just please him, keep him happy, keep him from getting angry. Twelve precious years, when she should have been focusing on making something out of her life, she had been trying to just keep alive!
If it hadn't been for Sanya, she would have continued to live in that hell. It was Sanya who reminded Raksha of her dreams of making something of her life. "You wanted to do nutrition, become a dietician! You were always reading up stuff, sharing info. Look at you now! You are unable to string one sentence together cohesively!" Sanya had caught on quickly.
Raksha was not allowed to meet her friends, she didn't want to meet them. But Sanya had just landed and taken her out. Nitin had no choice, she had no choice. That one hour Sanya spent with Raksha was enough for her to know that the latter was not happy. Sanya worked with such women abroad, and she saw all the classic symptoms. She slowly extracted the story and Raksha, finally finding release, confessed to the hell her life had become.
And here she was, with Sanya, in her hotel room. Sanya's words, her reassuring manner, and being away from the prison that she called home made Raksha think. When Nitin came to take her away, Sanya had just stepped out. Raksha was determined not to go back. The fact that Sanya would be back any moment had given her courage. But what was she to do when Sanya returned to the US next evening? She would be all alone!
"What about your parents?" Sanya asked as they discussed the next course of action later that evening.
Raksha shook her head. "They were against my marrying Nitin, and cut off all relationship. Now they are living with my brother, who will never accept me."
"You cannot remain here for sure," Sanya realised. She made enquiries and managed to find a safe home for Raksha. She connected her to an NGO that worked with battered women.
Raksha filed for divorce with Sanya's help, but though Nitin refused to sign the divorce papers, she was granted it on the grounds of cruelty. It was liberating, knowing she was free of him finally. She found a job to keep her body and soul together. But it was a lonely job, sitting at the reception, watching people pass her to do more meaningful work. It gave her plenty of time to look back at the last few years and relive the torture.
"You know, I am making at least a 100 day because of you," the office baffoon Jaydev told her one evening. He was really part of the sales team, but he was also forever making everyone laugh with his jokes. He had probably failed only with Raksha. "Today I made a killing!" he added, flourishing five 100 rupee notes. She looked at him uncomprehendingly. "For the number of times you frowned today," he laughed.
"You laugh at another's misery!"
"One who enjoys it...don't you?"
"Who likes to be miserable?" she turned her eyes away.
"You don't seem to want to come out!" he pointed out quite bluntly.
"What do you know!" she turned to him with her eyes flashing, wishing she had had this same anger when dealing with Nitin. Tears sprang up and she blinked as she looked away. "Please," she said her voice breaking.
Jaydev felt foolish. "I am sorry! It was just meant light-heartedly! There is no bet... I just thought you would laugh!"
"It isn't funny," she whispered.
Jayadev couldn't leave fast enough, embarrassed at her sudden display of emotions.
Though she was always early, next morning she was there before Jayadev came to work. She gave him a feeble smile, "Thank you," she said softly. He looked at her stricken. "For reminding me to smile more..." she said.
"Hey, look, I didn't mean..." Jayadev started defensively.
She shook her head. "You meant it, didn't you, that I should smile? Or do you want me to look miserable again?" Her eyes twinkled. Jayadev looked at her doubtfully and then chuckled sheepishly.
Sanya, Jayadev, a few others... Strangers, acquaintances, through casual or intentional remarks slowly brought her to her senses. Nitin was a past. A pleasant one that turned sour. Love that turned to fear. But that didn't have to change Raksha to a coward. No... She slowly clutched at straws and floated in groups to avoid feeling alone. She joined post graduation in the university, attending evening classes. She tried to make herself more useful at work.
She rediscovered herself. She had dreamed once, she would not let bitterness turn her into a cynic. This second chance was for her to make something of her life. With her experience at the workplace and when she completed her post graduation, she was able to enter a BPO as a manager.
She moved to a small house. It seemed incomplete and just a house of bricks. With great hesitation, she went to visit her parents in her brother's house. "Raksha!" her mother said with surprise and hugged her daughter, time the healer having erased the hurt her daughter had caused her. As the parents listened to her story, of her fight alone, they were stunned and not a less angry with themselves. "We didn't even care to find out how you were!" When she hesitantly asked them to move in with her, "It gets lonely..." she whispered, they agreed immediately.
It was not easy though, having her parents around! She resented their treating her like a child again, though she enjoyed the pampering.
And now these aunts, relatives, friends!
"You have done all that you wanted to. Including marrying a man against our wishes..." her mother slowly started raking up the past in the hope of convincing Raksha to have a better future. "We had lined up such good grooms. All is not lost. Your aunt Nimmi was speaking about one of her relatives. He is a divorcee..."
"She can marry him!" she snapped and looked away.
Her spirit longed to fly unfettered, didn't her parents understand that? Nitin was her mistake, but what she had learnt from it was invaluable. She had loved, feared, overcome challenges and learnt many things - about herself, about life. She cherished now her freedom, her happiness, her career, her leisure.
She turned to tell her mother this when saw the hurt on her face. She hugged her. "I have missed you both, ma... Let me enjoy your presence some more," she said softly.
"What will people say? That we are living off our daughter's money?"
Raksha shook her head. "They won't understand ma. Your daughter is living off her parents' love..."
"For how long...?"
"Till it lasts... Till you can love me..."
Her mother hugged her and cried. "Till you can bear having us..." Her eyes gleamed as she looked at her daughter. "We are proud of you..." she whispered.
Raksha rested her head on her mother's shoulder, feeling finally at peace.
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