Sunday, May 29, 2016

Five Things That Made It Work

This year, my parents and my in-laws celebrated 55 years of togetherness. Well, 50 went by five years ago, I could have written this then. Or 60 is coming in five years and I can write it then. But I choose to write today so don't ask why now...



Are they an unusual couple? Not at all. Many living couples would have completed as many years, some more, some reaching there. So it is not just about them.

But as we see the institution of marriage itself being questioned, maybe it is a nice exercise to see what made them pull along?

1. Is it love? - The way they run their knives through each other, you would wonder that they have not killed each other yet. Love is not just being starry eyed about someone or spouting sentimental lines. It is knowing just what the other person is like and drawing comfort from their predictability. Humans need that.

2. Is it compatibility? What is that? They did not have a chance to talk to each other before they married to know if they are compatible. They were wedded to each other and they just started living the life together. They had the typical teething problems, and they recognised it for that.

3. Ah, it is just that they had no choice - Yes, to some extent it was that. They did not think walking out was an option. But, you know what, they didn't feel the compelling need either. Every relationship has its highs and lows. They didn't expect only highs, but were also prepared for the lows...

4. The women had to lump it - superficially, you could say that. But if you look deep within, you will be surprised at how wrong you are. They made some short term sacrifices, then had their way. In both cases, the women till date pursue their passion for music - teaching and singing... Don't be fooled by their apparent submissiveness.

5. Partners for life - they did not look to the other for creating their happiness. They assumed that they would have to create that happiness jointly, for those around them. They worked as a team, speaking in different voices, but communicating the same message. Taking and giving the lead as the need arose.

And I think the last is the most important for a relationship to work. Not sacrifices. Not love. Not wealth. But the awareness that you were in this together, two sides of the same coin.

It happens in friendships. It happens at work. Each contributes for a common cause. If that common cause is not aligned and if all parties do not agree to make appropriate contribution, then the friendship, the organisation, no team effort can succeed.

And that's what made their marriages work.

That's what can make any marriage work.

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